A day in my life: the day my phone decided to prematurely age and recede into a lifeless piece of metal

*night before*
Please phone, come back alive overnight. I will love you and never drop you again. Okay night.

8:00 – 8:30am:
Husband’s phone alarm starts screaming, waking me up evilly because, unlike my phone, it doesn’t know when I am in my lightest sleep. I feel kind of ill now.

8:30am:
Actually get up. Omg I’m going to be so late. I can’t even set an alarm to tell me exactly what time to stop showering.

9:00am
Just used the ipad to check the time. I’m totally late. What if class is cancelled. Lemme check. He hasn’t posted any slides for today. Maybe it is cancelled. *ipad refuses to check uni email*.

9:10am
My bloody bus pass is ON MY PHONE!!! Why don’t I have change in my purse? Stupid purse!

9:30am (or earlier, I dont know the time)
Hello bus driver. Here’s a pile of coppers I found lying around my house.
It’s alright me’duck’
Okay bus driver that’s really polite, but no. This is what happens when phones die. I get called duck!
What if something happens to me, and they don’t know who to call…
Are my scissors still in my bag? If someone searches me, I wont be able to prove I carry scissors for crochet and nothing thuggish, because I don’t have instagram now.
Okay I left the scissors at home.
But seriously, what if something does happen. If my phone worked they wouldn’t know my password either. How would they call my mum?
I shouldn’t have a password.
I need a book to read.
Anything.
Bus adverts.

9:30something
*walking to uni*.
I can’t listen to anything on my phone. I can hear street sounds. Am I less knowledgeable about the world because I didn’t read buzzfeed this morning?
I should probably write a blogpost about how I survived without my phone. I’M A HERO!
I could be featured on buzzfeed.
Imagine how much I could accomplish without staring at my phone all day.
FREEDOM!

9:40something
*arrive at University at last*.
Okay, Smug guy in the lift pretending to check your iphone 6. Stop lying! Facebook doesnt even update in the lift!
Oh great! Group work in class. Thats why lecture slides didnt exist. We have to make them ourselves! Well, at least it was okay for me to be late. Yay!

11:00am –
Class just finished and I forgot about my phone for a full hour. I’m really doing well recovering from the breakup.

11:05am
I miss my sister. I need to ring her. I hate you phone, stopping me from telling my family I love them!
*start to walk away from uni*

11:10am
*walk back to uni to check email*
I have another class today that i didnt know about. This is why iphone notifications are important guys!

11:30
APPLE SHOPPPPP! ‘Hello apple man! My phone has died. Here it is’ ooops one sec, my phone is all sweaty because I was holding it in my pocket. Apple person thinks im a disgusting human being now.
When did it go off?’
‘Yesterday, but then I resuscitated it and then it died again’

*he checks some stuff*
My colleague will help you.

Shes really lively.
Why are apple staff always so happy? Do they not know the evil behind the company they work for? Do they not see my pain?
*she says some things about loops and screens and hands me over to another colleague with an impressive moustache*
‘It will probably just need the system restored. Dont worry’

OMG THANK YOU. YOU ARE AMAZING. APPLE IS AMAZING. YOU WILL FIX IT,

Erm, sorry its not working.’
‘So its really dead? Like for real????’
Yeah, sorry to be the bearer of bad news’

11:45pm
This shopping centre is annoying. I hate highly dislike it right now. Coffee shop. Pretty.
Something chocolate with extra caffiene…MOCHA PLEASE and…a cheese scone, and a triple chocolate muffin.
Facebook messaging my husband, and brother (to pass on messages to the family) from the ipad. Am I a teenager tho????????
Can I get WhatsApp for ipad?

12:45pm
Off to uni again.
No earphones means…
I CAN ACTUALLY HEAR PEOPLE ABUSING ME, instead of smiling politely and ignoring their angry faces.
Yes, old man outside a run down pub. You don’t like what I am wearing, but your opinion is totally irrelevant to my life, thanks.

Rest of the day…
*Check time on ipad*
*Actually use money to pay for the bus*
Do my friends miss me? Do I even have any friends?
Does my mum miss me? I miss you mum.
I can’t even check recipes I’m never going to cook whilst browsing Tesco.
I’m going to try and bring the phone back to life this evening. Just watch me.
Give up hope loser. It’s over.

ACTION PLAN
Dig out one of those ancient time-telling machines and strap it to my wrist

________________________

PHONE UPDATE:

I gave my phone back to my dad (who gave it to me in the first place). He restored it to perfect working order almost immediately, and somebody else is happily using it now.

Moral of the story: Do not trust Apple. They just want your money. Okay!

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2 thoughts on “A day in my life: the day my phone decided to prematurely age and recede into a lifeless piece of metal

  1. I’m pretty anti-technology..but I still got annoyed when my phone died. i’d love to live in the olden days where we didn’t have to rely on technology and wrote letters to communicate

    1. I guess that would probably have been a blissfully simple life. However, I do hold technology as absolutely amazing as it has made life so much easier. Although I understand the importance of staring away from my phone and breathing non-tech life, I can’t imagine my life without it at all. I take all of my university notes, and stay organised because of my ipad/laptop, and can stay in touch and see my family even when I am hundreds of miles away! 🙂

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