The three words clung to her wherever she turned. They were taunting or endearing. Hopeful or disappointed. The first time she heard them, was from shocked, but pleased faces. They were happy for her finally leaving the teenage behind, annoyed that they had no hope of her maturing. They forgot the changes they made in their own lives. She was happy with their response. It was part of the goal. There was no room for improvement without change.
This was obviously misunderstood by those who spat the words at her. Patronisingly reminding her of everything she once was. They mistook her choices for self-righteousness, defending themselves against her change, as if her life was a direct attack on them. Fake, is what they used to describe her. They couldn’t understand that the pictures and memories of her mistakes, that they shoved in her face was her. And the way she stood in front of them years later, was also her. She was and is both people, unchanged.
She hated analogies of butterflies and caterpillars. This wasn’t a simple transition from ugly to beautiful. From wrong to right. Change is a constant. It shouldn’t stop when the wings are granted. She wasn’t yet successful, but hoped to be one day, praying for help and guidance on the journey.
She made and makes mistakes, which the change-deniers will hold up as proof of something being wrong. Look at what you did and what you do, they tell her. As if she is unaware of her own life. She knows the negatives were written by the same One who gave her the positives.
The One who gave her the ability to change, is the one who gave her the tests. She listens to them and looks back, thanking Him for the lessons learnt, and the ones she would face. Without everything she was, she would not be who she is today. And without everything she is, she cannot be what she could be (inshaAllah).
Change is inevitable